Stone: It’s Tuesday and Wimpy owes Popeye money

“They call it Stormy Monday, but Tuesday’s just as bad. Lord, and Wednesday’s worse, and Thursday’s all so sad. The eagle flies on Friday and Saturday, and I go out to play.

Stone: Uh-oh, Spaghetti-o’s

“If at the end of each person’s life, he were to be presented with the living spectacle of all that he had [eaten] in order to stay alive, he might well feel horrified by the living energy he had ingested.

Stone: Pick me! Pick me!

“You can choose a ready guide in some celestial voice. If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice. You can choose from phantom fears and kindness that can kill. I will choose a clear path.

Stone: Current events and other BS

Lately, I have caught myself calling upon the “Lord” quite a bit.As in “Oh, Lord,” or “Lord help us,” or “Lord have mercy.”I’m sure I picked up these phrases from my mother, because my father was a bit more colorful when he called upon the Lord.The older I get, the more assistance I seem to need...

Stone: Who you gonna call?

POLITICIAN, n. An eel in the fundamental mud upon which the superstructure of organized society is reared. When he wriggles, he mistakes the agitation of his tail for the trembling of the edifice.

Stone: The beat goes on

When I was a young man beginning my journey into manhood, I was sent to the Great Lakes Naval Base near Chicago, Illinois.Iranian sailors trained with us there.

Stone: From Mr. President to Cheeto Satan

The name of American, which belongs to you in your national capacity, must always exalt the just pride of patriotism more than any appellation derived from local discriminations. With slight shades of difference, you have the same religion, manners, habits, and political principles.

Stone: A blue Valentine, for Judy

A calamity often foreshadows something even worse … Technically, Judy was my first wife.

Stone: ICE out, waffles in

My cousin needed a ride to his brother’s wedding in Tijuana, so he called [Immigration] on himself. They’ll deport the entire wedding party, man. They get a free bus ride across the border and lunch.

Stone: Zella Lee

Zella called me on a Friday night a long, long time ago, but I didn’t have time to talk.