Anyone who believes the competitive spirit in America is dead has never been in the supermarket when a cashier opens another check-out line. - Ann Landers
The rumors are not valid. I don’t work at Publix full-time; I only visit the Lake Oconee News office once a week to write a column.
However, I do spend enough time in that store to draw some sort of compensation.
As most of you probably know, our office is just down the hill from Publix. If you’re in the neighborhood and want to visit us, just walk toward the theater from Publix. While you’re on your way, you can get some investment advice at the Edward Jones office, have your nails done at Le Nails, or get your hair fixed at the Indulge Salon.
My hair could probably use some attention right now, but first,, I need to buy some soup so the crackers I have don’t go stale. Last night, I discovered that my supply is almost exhausted. There is just one can of tomato left, and that requires a bit of parmesan cheese, or it can’t be enjoyed correctly.
Right now, cans of Progresso soup are buy-one-get-one-free at Publix, which translates to about $1.50 per can. Where else but my column can you get valuable information like that?
But that sale ends today (Tuesday). I could gamble and hope Campbell’s soup goes on sale when the new flyer comes out on Wednesday, but that’s a risky move.
At this point, the regular price feels like being charged double. A couple of weeks ago, a good friend of mine bought some of that soup that’s over by the deli and said she bought two containers of it “like I was a rich woman.”
The truth is I almost never buy anything at Publix that isn’t BOGO-free.
Let me give some tips on how to rig the game in your favor and at Publix.
First, don’t buy bags of lettuce — which I call salad starter — anywhere else. Either the store brand or Fresh Express is BOGO-free (or two for $6) every week. That’s without fail. Both are fine choices.
I like the Italian-style salad starter that has romaine lettuce and slivers of radicchio in it. I feel sophisticated and wealthy buying anything Italian (Ferraris, Lamborghinis, linguine).
Of course, Donald Trump wants to force people to buy the American blend, which, I believe, contains unsophisticated iceberg lettuce and slivers of carrots.
So, here’s an insult for Donald Trump that I made up to use in a column that ran a few weeks ago. I kept it in case I might need it in the future because the pendulum swings both ways in politics.
You can sing this insult to the tune of “Rock-a-bye Baby.”
Rock-a-bye Donald, you’re such a pain, Canadians hate you, as does Ukraine, After the midterms, comes the great fall, And down will come Donald, red hat and all.
I hope that makes some of my Trump-deranged Facebook friends happy.
On the other side of the Publix, you’ll find the potato chips.
When I was a child, I had about two choices: regular or barbecue. Now,, hundreds of varieties take up an entire aisle. Publix offers a BOGO-free option almost every week.
Since I am weak-minded when it comes to chips, I now have more potato chips in my pantry than most convenience stores.
Dessert on a boisterous Friday night might consist of jalapeno-ranch Ruffles dipped in those little plastic containers of — shoot, what’s it called?
Senior moment. Guacamole, that’s it. However, I do have to make a shameful confession about that.
I buy the little containers of guacamole at Walmart because it’s cheaper there.
Well, that about wraps up our tour of the grocery store. But before I go, let me give Publix shoppers one more tip, one that could save lives.
If you want to talk to the long-lost friend who just got out of prison and saw you in the juice aisle, don’t park your buggies side by side and get to gabbing.
You might get hit upside the head with two bottles of V8 for the price of one. BOGO.
Selah.