Tis but thy name that is my enemy
-- Romeo and Juliet, William Shakespeare
Commence knowledge drop in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 . . . Drop!
More than 27,000 men have played in the National Football League, but some were given names more interesting than others.
Take Walter Achiu for instance. Achiu was the first player of East Asian descent to play in the NFL, suiting up as a running back in 1927 and ’28 for the Dayton Triangles, a distant ancestor of the Indianapolis Colts.
Achiu later became a professional wrestler. His last name inspired a rather unfortunate nickname, though: “Sneeze.”
While we’re on the subject of the Dayton Triangles, a story on The Dayton Daily News website says the Triangles defeated the Columbus Panhandles 14-0 in the very first NFL game. That might be nice to know if you ever play trivia at Amici or The Chophouse in Madison or the Brickhouse Pub and Grub in Eatonton.
I sure miss Amici’s chicken wings.
And speaking of food, did you know that Frank Bacon – who also played for the Dayton Triangles – is credited with the first NFL punt return for a touchdown?
As an aside, I’ll admit I violated the rules of the draconian diet I used to lose 40 pounds and put a strip of bacon in my Tex-Mex pinto beans last week for added flavor. As part of my diet, I generally avoid bacon and stick with oats and berries for breakfast.
As it happens, a few Berrys have been in the NFL, including Hall of Famer Raymond Berry who played for the Baltimore Colts from 1955 to 1969. He caught 12 passes for 178 yards in the 1958 NFL Championship, a game often referred to as the greatest game ever played. The Colts, who moved to Indy in 1984, won that game 23-17 over the New York Giants.
Berry later went to another title game as the head coach of the New England Patriots and lost to the Chicago Bears 46-10 in Super Bowl XX. The Bears, along with the Cardinals and Triangles were the only NFL teams to survive the 1920s.
As part of my diet regimen, I now make my salad dressing, and one recipe calls for capers. The condiment gives the dressing a welcome burst of flavor.
You probably don’t remember them, but James, Selvish and Wayne Capers played in the NFL. Of the three, only Wayne played more than three games there, though.
But the mention of capers reminded me of the opening of the Donald Sutherland version of the film Invasion of the Body Snatchers. When health inspector Matthew Bennell shows a rat turd to a chef in the kitchen of a fancy French restaurant, the chef tells Bennell, “It’s not a turd but a caper.” Bennell’s reply is priceless: “If it’s a caper, then eat it.”
The NFL is also full of occupational names, including 49 Bakers, 20 Barbers, 14 Brewers, 48 Butlers, 18 Carpenters and several names I didn’t know were associated with occupations, including Carter, which is defined as someone who hauls stuff in a cart pulled by an ass.
(Despite the price of gas, I will refrain from making a Joe Biden reference here).
I learned a Chandler is a dealer of supplies for ships and boats, that a Clark is a scribe or secretary, that a Collier is a coal miner, that a Cooper makes wooden barrels, and that a Fowler is someone who hunts wildfowl.
And speaking of the wild, as I slogged through the alphabet on pro-football- reference.com looking for more interesting anthroponyms, I came upon the name of Peter Black Bear, who played for the Oorang Indians, a team based in Larue, Ohio, which is the smallest city ever to have an NFL franchise (more trivia gold, right?).
The team Black Bear played on was made up of American Indians and coached by NFL Hall of Famer Jim Thorpe.
And did you know that Jug Earp, cousin of Wyatt Earp, played on the offensive line for the Green Bay Packers from 1923 to 1932? Wyatt’s father and Jug’s father were brothers.
(You’re going to rule the sports trivia category.)
Okay, we’ll close with some weirdness.
A headline in the Oct. 26, 1925, issue of the Indiana Star Press reads: “Holes in Jonesboro Backfield Find Other Holes in Irish Line.” The “Holes” in question were Babe Hole and Mick Hole of the Jonesboro Flyers football team, so a clever turn of phrase but not so weird.
But consider just a few of their off-field clippings. From the July 18, 1919, edition of the Muncie Evening Press: “Hole Brothers Convicted on Seven of Ten Charges in City Court;” from the Nov. 25, 1927, issue of the Star Press: “Babe Hole was held in jail last night for public intoxication and as a suspect in a razor cutting affray;” and this surprise from the Oct. 23, 1933, edition of the Star Press: “Babe Hole is Victim of Hammer Attack.”
And so it goes!