I’m Popeye the sailor man, I’m Popeye the sailor man I’m strong to the finish 'cause I eats my spinach I’m Popeye the Sailor Man
Popeye theme
In the morning, if I had Captain Kangaroo, Mr. Green Jeans, and Dancing Bear, I was a happy child.
After school, I tuned into Officer Don and “The Popeye Club,” but my parents owned the television and took over after dinner. I had to be in bed by nine, so I never got to watch “The Fugitive,” only the intro.
The narrator’s voice was always so grim.
“The name: Dr. Richard Kimble. The destination: death row, state prison. The irony: Richard Kimble is innocent. The Fugitive, a Q. M. Production, starring David Janssen.”
It was always torture going to bed after that intro, but my parents were unmoved by my pleas to stay up just one more hour.
My parents did let me watch the Jackie Gleason show, and my favorite character was the drunk dude played by Frank Fontaine, Crazy Guggenheim.
Political humor became more prominent in the 1970s, and “All in the Family” became a huge hit.
Then “Saturday Night Live” came along and political parody became even more pointed. They had plenty of material to work with, especially U.S. presidents, all of whom seemed to leave office disgraced in some fashion.
For example, LBJ was so despised for the mess he made in Vietnam, he meekly announced that he would not seek a second term and disappeared from Washington, D.C. His successor, Richard Milhouse Nixon, fared even worse, resigning after the Watergate fiasco and fleeing Washington, D.C. by helicopter like Alvin Lee at Woodstock.
Ford then inexplicably pardoned him.
Carter tried for a second term but lost to Reagan due in part to the Iranian hostage crisis. Reagan didn’t remember the Iranian hostage crisis or much of anything else by the end of his second term.
Reagan’s VP and successor, George H.W. Bush, famously said, “Read my lips, no new taxes,” and then created new taxes.
Lips took on a different meaning entirely with his successor.
George Bush II became America’s funniest president when that dude threw his shoe at him at a Baghdad press conference.
Then, hallelujah, Saint Barry came along. I voted for this man twice and hoped against hope that his presidency heralded the dawning of a new day in America. Not so much, actually. I’ve heard he once had a good jump shot, though.
Then Trump won, which shocked me, even though I voted for him. The COVID-19 pandemic effectively doomed his chances of a second term, and Joe Biden became the 46th president in 2021. Much like Reagan, Biden couldn’t remember much about being president by the time he was put out to pasture.
Now we have Trump 2.0 and a posse of political pundits posing as preeminent pranksters and panjandrums, including Stephen Colbert.
I don’t believe I have ever watched Colbert’s show, but I saw that Vax Scene bit he did a while back.
I never laughed, and I suddenly missed Frank Fontaine horribly.
I wanted to hear Frank do the bit about the intelligent parrot who spoke seven languages, the one he bought for his mother’s birthday present. How he left the parrot on his mother’s table as a surprise, only to learn later she thought it was a chicken and cooked it.
And when he told her about the parrot being so smart that it spoke seven languages, she said, “Well, if he was so smart, he should have said something.”
Then Frank could have sung “That Old Gang of Mine” song to Jackie, and we could have all been nostalgic for the old days for a little while.
Gee, but I’d give the world to see That old gang of mine I can’t forget that old quartet That sang Sweet Adeline Goodbye forever, old fellows and gals Goodbye forever, old sweethearts and pals God Bless ‘em Gee, but I’d give the world to see That old, old gang of mine.
But sentimentality is gauche now. Cruelty is cool. And the world is full of snarky nitwits who care more about applause than laughs.
Take us out, Popeye.
I’m Popeye the sailor man. I live in a garbage can. I eat all the junk, and I smell like a skunk. I’m Popeye the sailor man. Toot, toot.
Selah.