To love somebody
Dear Editor,
Today is Valentine’s Day. For various reasons, I find myself thinking about not only my wife and our life together, but also about our two daughters and the love they have in their lives. Over the years, I’ve come to realize that true love is experienced only when people are emotionally honest with one another.
Recalling, when in 1967, I first heard the Bee Gees melodic ballad, “To Love Somebody” and Barry Gibb sang, “There’s a way everybody say to do each and every little thing,” I understood the “way” to mean being congruent. People are congruent when their feelings, words, and behaviors align. So, to best love somebody, it’s best to present as congruent.
As parents, my wife Karen and I opted to homeschool our girls, in part, with an intention of using increased family time together to affect their socialization more positively. We both realized that young children, in being naturally sensitive, insightful, and observant, would likely encounter worldly influences that we regarded as inappropriate. My wife, in particular, who is the best person I’ve ever known, helped them learn that when interacting with others, it’s okay to feel a range of authentic emotions. Subsequently, through both words and behavior, Karen would then model how to best set appropriate boundaries.
I’d like to think that as a result of purposeful parenting and a good bit of luck, both our girls have developed emotional resiliency. They have grown to become emotionally strong and courageous women while recognizing that there, too, is strength in being open within relationships.
Only by experiencing a full range of emotions can people realize the full spectrum of their humanity. People who are in touch with their compassion and empathy, as well as their own vulnerability, are best able to share in a loving, nurturing relationship.
Peter Wibell Rutledge