Hubris and pizza


Readers, friends, if you turn these pages
Put your prejudice aside,
For, really, there's nothing here that's outrageous,
Nothing sick, or bad — or contagious.
Not that I sit here glowing with pride
For my book: all you'll find is
That's all the glory my heart is after,
Seeing how sorrow eats you, defeats you.
I'd rather write about laughing than crying,
For laughter makes men human, and courageous. Be happy.

From the introduction to “Gargantua and Pantagruel” (1532-1564) by Dr. Francois Rabelais


Despite nearly two years of bickering over a 20-house development in the historic district that ultimately devolved into embarrassing rudeness, Madison has once again been selected to Southern Living magazine’s list of the best southern towns in each state.

Be proud, Madison. There are 534 other incorporated cities in Georgia who received no such recognition.

The magazine considers you the best of the lot.

However, there is no need for the neighboring cities of Greensboro and Eatonton to be envious of Madison’s status as the paragon of southern style and virtue. Not every publication is so enamored with Morgan’s county seat.

Mountain Climber magazine has rated Madison one of the worst cities in America for face climbing, and Snowmobile Illustrated called Madison “a two-snow a decade waste of time.”

21st Architecture and Cooking magazine, which has long advocated the razing of all antebellum homes, called Madison “a wasteland of white neo-classical columns, Gone-With-the-Windian foyers, azaleas, manicured lawns, sculpted shrubbery and greasy fried chicken.”

OK. There is no such magazine and that’s probably a wildly unfair perspective. Still, it is wise to remember that one man’s pleasure is another man’s punishment.

For example: You may enjoy the music of Taylor Swift. Me, I prefer acupuncture performed with wood screws.

This just in: The Lake Oconee News has learned that Greensboro and Eatonton also made a list!

Southern Disappointment magazine has named both cities to its annual list of cities with a decidedly bleak future.

But don’t let it get you down, folks.

Things could be worse.

You could live in Taliaferro County. The Department of Natural Resources says that even snakes and raccoons are leaving Taliaferro for better opportunities in Oglethorpe County. Sadly,  Crawfordville doesn’t even qualify as a county seat anymore. It’s more of a county place to stand.

But enough about that.

I overheard a weird argument at Walmart the other day between two women shopping in the frozen food section.

One lady was pushing a buggy full of cold cuts toward the west side of the store, and the other had a blue basket filled with candy.

The lady pushing the buggy stopped, looked at the Red Baron pizza boxes and grunted.

“That fool on the box doesn’t look nothing like Manfred Von Richthofen,” she said. “Manfred never grew a mustache.”

The woman toting the basket stopped, put down her candy and removed a pizza box from the shelf.

“The man on this box isn’t Richthofen,” she said, pointing at the fliers face. “And nobody ever said it was. This Red Baron is based on Totino “Tony” DiGiorno who flew under Papa John Palermo in the Screaming Sicilian squadron. We all remember when enemy soldiers fell like dominoes on the day DiGiorno sliced through the doughboys at the Battle of Bellatoria. He spent the rest of the battle topping enemy pilots in the air until he was finally killed. His tombstone is right next to his mother’s. Her name was Celeste, but everyone called her Amy, except her husband who called her Wild Mike.”
The cold cut-eating woman stared at the candy-eating woman in astonishment for a moment before responding.
“Weren’t never no Italian Red Baron,” she said. “That’s fake news.”

The two women continued to bicker until the argument became preheated and finally came to blows.

The Walmart store manager called the Madison Police Department. They promised to be there in 30 minutes or less.
Happy spring time, peeps.




Rate this article: 
No votes yet
Breaking News: